Different Every Day

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Each day this week, my heart has grown a little heavier. The things that have plagued David intermittently in the past seem to be here to stay now. The nausea that was once controlled with IV meds now seems to break through more and more frequently. The pain meds that helped control his leg pain are not as effective, and the pain has started to radiate to different areas. He’s not in constant pain, and the nausea can still be controlled, but it saps more and more of his strength each day.

When David was in 5th grade, he rode his bicycle across California with his class. They each chose a word to write on their helmet to be their mantra for the week. David chose “strength”. At the time, looking at this skinny, little boy, I thought it was an odd choice. But now I know what he knew even then. He has an inner strength that most of us will never even come close to.

Today, I watched as a nurse, who has known him for only a few days, bent to kiss his cheek and tell him she loved him. And I believe she does. She has only seen a tiny part of the person he is, and even that little bit was enough to inspire her love and loyalty.

There are some people in this world that you just instantly like. David is one of those people. I know that when he leaves us, Heaven will be rejoicing. And they should. He is an awesome person. There is comfort in knowing that. As tight as I would hold him, Jesus will hold him tighter. And I will grieve – mightily – but not for David. I will grieve for those of us left behind. The world will be a dimmer place.

3 thoughts on “Different Every Day

  1. Amanda~
    With every post, my heart grieves a little more for you. David has come by his strength through the strength of his mother. YOU have brought David to US. He is blessed to have such strong love in his life. Indeed, the world will be more dim when he passes, but the candle you have lit in many of us will go on burning. We will be a little softer; more in tune with the struggles of other cancer patients; and have more hope that a cure will one day be discovered. Until we are personally touched by cancer, we don’t spend time pondering its destruction. You have made David’s fight personal to many, even those of us who have not had the privilege of meeting him.
    When my brother died after nearly 10 years of paralysis and complications from his vehicle accident, my grieving was for his absence in my future. He was my only sibling. My life is empty in that area. But his suffering was so great that I could not grieve for him. I try to keep him alive to my grandchildren.
    But he left me with so much! He asked me to watch over his boys and keep this end of their family legacy alive. He taught me that you can do more than you ever thought possible. And I am more aware of others in wheelchairs. I try to make eye contact if just in casual passing. I try to speak whenever possible.
    David is leaving you with much. He will live on as you share his story with every brain cancer or child cancer individual you meet. His fight will live on in you as you live to make this world a better place in his memory. I think it is some kind of gift that God gives us. There will be days when it feels like a consolation prize. There will be other days when your heart will absolutely be dark. But as time passes, these days will be fewer. You will never miss him less. Sometimes I believe I love Doug more now.
    I am praying for you, Amanda. For all of you.

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  2. Mandy,
    I don’t even know what to say to you except, I don’t know how you do it! I feel for you and your family and especially David! He is so special! I don’t know him as well as I would like to, but the short time that I have known and talk to him I can tell what kind of a guy he is and that is strong and kind!!! He has been through a lot for his age and it just don’t seem fair that kids have to go through this! I don’t understand why God does what he does, but I trust and have faith in him! I wish there was something I could do for y’all! I think and pray for David and y’all everyday, sometimes more than one time a day!
    I love y’all very much! If there is anything y’all need or I can do please let me know!
    Stay strong and tell David I love him!!!!!
    God Bless!
    Kelly

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  3. It doesn’t surprise me at all that his nurse loves him. It takes about a second to know that you like David and about a second and a half to realize that you love him. I’m not in the middle of anything, so I have the pleasure of watching people and how they respond, react and interact with David. I use the word pleasure because he is, without fail, awe-inspiring to every soul he comes in contact with. There is something about him that makes you smile when you see him and gives you strength even though he is the one battling.

    My family loves each one of you with all our hearts and keeps you all in our thoughts constatnly.

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