Standing in the Gap

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The world moves pretty quickly when you are standing still. I feel like I spend a lot of time lately just standing (or sitting) waiting for my brain to work. For my motivation to come back. For something to shift and make all the pieces fit back together again.

That’s not going to happen, though. Mostly because one of the big pieces of my life is missing. So what’s going to fill that gap? It could be anger. Or fear. Or sadness. Those are the things that want to jump into that space. But you have to be careful with those “fillers” or they will spread like the nasty cancer that caused all these issues in the first place.

So what do you fill the gap with? Hope? Love? Dare I say it… Joy? I think those are the best things, though they may not come naturally at first.

There was this thing David would always say. Whenever anyone would apologize to him for something beyond their control, he would say, “Why are you apologizing? You didn’t do anything.”

I think he would want all of us to be filled with joy. We are sad because he is gone, we’re “sorry”. But we didn’t cause it. It’s not our fault. So we should try to be like him and just love people an be happy.

I know a lot of times when people die, you tend to remember just the good stuff. David wasn’t perfect, but he was so damn sweet you couldn’t stay mad at him. I had a cousin, Treavor, that was kind of the same way. He died 11 years ago this week, and I know his mom remembers the good and the bad. If that’s the highest level of perfection any of us achieve, I think we’ll be ok.

2 thoughts on “Standing in the Gap

  1. YOUR SO RIGHT MANDY!! I REMEMBER THE GOOD & BAD TIMES WITH TREAVOR. I REMEMBER THE NIGHTS HE WOULD COME IN LATE AND WE WOULD ALL BE ALSEEP. HE WOULD TURN UP THE MUSIC, TURN ON ALL THE LIGHTS IN THE HOUSE AND GET ON THE TREAD MILL TO RUN…….I WOULD WAKE UP SO MAD !!! LOL
    OR LIKE THE DAY HE DIED…….HE HAD ON MY RUNNING SHORTS AND MY EAR-PHONES BLASTING MUSIC. I TOLD HIM TO GO TAKE MY SHORTS OFF……..WEAR HIS OWN AND WHILE HE WAS AT IT GET HIS OWN I-POD…….LEAVE MY HERE. WELL HE DIDN’T. HE RUN OUT THE DOOR ANYWAY. MADE ME SO MAD. BUT LIKE DAVID, WE CAN’T STAY MAD AT THEM FOR LONG AS THEY ARE SO SWEET!!!!!!!
    I MISS THEM SO MUCH………..THEY WERE TWO OF A KIND!!
    LOVE, YOUR COUSIN DEBBIE

    Like

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