Hope

David has malignant brain cancer. This particular type (GBM) is stage 4 even in its infancy. I am starting with these facts because this is the reality I have known from nearly the very beginning of this journey. There are those who believe that I haven’t admitted this to myself because I have chosen a path of optimism. They can’t understand how you can truly know the reality of this disease and still have hope.

I have hope. That I still do under what are most certainly the most trying of circumstances is due largely to my faith and the faith of those around me. I believe in miracles – great and small. I believe that nothing but the grace of God has gotten us to this point, and I am grateful.

That doesn’t mean I’m not scared. It doesn’t mean I don’t get sad. I ache with the knowledge that my son is hurting, and I can’t fix it.

I question why this had to happen to him, but even as the thought forms, I know that we are blessed. There are people who lose their children as infants. Or lose them suddenly and don’t have a chance to say goodbye. There is never a good time.

This is sounding morbid, and I’m sorry for that. If this blog is going to be honest, then I have to share the whole ride. I’m feeling disappointed in the doctors in general today. I don’t blame them. They are stuck dealing with patient after patient that they don’t know how to save. It must be hard to have hope.

Which brings me back around to my hope. I still have it because I believe that God puts us in situations that He has prepared us for. Our experiences lead us to more advanced experiences. I believe He wants us to put our “all” into every situation. For some, it is simply to be a testament of faith, like Christian Schmidt. For others, it is to push for change and reform of a system. It may be to break down barriers or find a solution outside the box. We may be able to see God’s purpose while we are struggling, like I think Christian could, or we may not ever know. We fight anyway. For me, I have to have the knowledge that I’ve done everything, tried everything within reason.

David has his own motivators. I don’t know exactly what they are, but I know he wants to live. We are evaluating treatments right now, and praying that we get a miracle. Not just for David, but for the thousands of others who can’t see a way clear of this disease.

We were presented with some options today at Children’s national Hospital in DC. None of them sounded like a cure. We are waiting on another appointment at the National Institute of Health to see if David will qualify for one of their trials. I pray that he does and that it will be the answer that we are looking for. I invite you to hope and pray with me. God is good. His timing is perfect. And His answers are always right.